I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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