its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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