the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
