Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
