well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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