I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
