so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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