benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Holy sore nipples Batman
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
