there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
