and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
