meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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