So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
