omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
