I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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