oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
