i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
