nut hugger
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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