I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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