I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
