I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
