felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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