what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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