If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
