i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
