Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sober January is a disaster.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
