oh god the rape fog is back!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
