And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
