We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone signed my nipple.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
