I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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