So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
