New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Say something about gay babies.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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