i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
