Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
