Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
