Where are you?
In a non slutty way
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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