shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
