When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
