remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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