I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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