FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
