What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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