the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
