I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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