I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
