Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
