Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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