I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
