9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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