what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
