yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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