i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
