Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Houston, we have a squirter
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
