R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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