At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
