Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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