Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
