I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
