No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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