At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
